The Nuts and Bolts of Adoption from Ukraine

So this blogpost is for all you newbies out there who may be wandering about the process of adopting from Ukraine.  You can do a google search and get loads of info on this topic.  So please do not consider this some sort of official standard.  I want to speak from my experience; not from any sort of legal standpoint.  My experience includes adopting a 10 year old boy and 15 year old boy from 2 different regions in July 2008; adopting a 16 year old girl in February 2010; and an SDA appointment for September, asking for permission to adopt a sibling group of teens aged 13-17. 

Ukraine is not part of the Hague Convention, which means you do not have to use an adoption agency.  Agencies do not have lists of children available for adoption in Ukraine to match you with.  Instead, you go to the SDA, a government agency in Ukraine, and ask permission to adopt one of their children.  ( SDA stood for something at one time.  The name has changed to Department for Family and Children and some have begun referring to it as the DFC. I will stick with SDA for now). Children must be at least 5 years old before they are available for intercountry adoption.   Older children, sibling groups and children with special needs are readily available.  You can go to Ukraine blind or you can ask permission to adopt a specific child you have met through hosting or some other avenue.  Just know that no one (not a facilitator, not a hosting organization, not the SDA) can "hold" a child for you at any time.  Just because you have hosted or asked permission to adopt a certain child, there is no guarantee that child is or will be available when you get to Ukraine.  In fact, there is no guarantee that child is even registered with the SDA unless you go through official channels to obtain this information.  

Before you can go to the SDA and ask for permission to adopt, you will spend 3-6 months preparing what is known as your dossier.  This, first and foremost, includes your homestudy.  So your first step in adopting from Ukraine is hiring a social worker who preferably has experience in preparing homestudies for Ukraine, as it has specific requirements unique to Ukraine.  Talk to people who have adopted from Ukraine.  Join facebook pages and yahoo groups.  Hire your social worker and get to work.  (beginning July 2014, your social worker will have to be part of a Hague-accredited agency.) It is wise to ask your social worker to approve you for more children than you think you want to adopt as there have been numerous instances where families get to the SDA and find out that there is a sibling of a child they are seeking to adopt.  

In addition to your homestudy, you will have a stack of documents that have to be notarized and apostilled.   These include things like criminal background checks, marriage certificates, medical exams and proofs of income.  You can obtain this list from other adoptive parents or start your search here http://ukraine.usembassy.gov/adopt-documents.html. 

As you talk to other adoptive parents, you are going to be hearing a lot about their “facilitator”.  Everybody who adopts from Ukraine has one.  He or she is the person in Ukraine whom you pay to translate your dossier, act on your behalf during the adoption process, and take care of you during your stay there.  Some have loved their facilitator.  Some have hated him.  But everyone has strong opinions about him.  Next to choosing your child, this is the most important decision you make when adopting from Ukraine.  You will have a miserable or happy experience depending on your relationship with your facilitator.  There is more to facilitating than getting the job done.  Most will do that. But there are many other factors to consider and I would talk to as many people as possible about their facilitator before choosing.  Once your facilitator is chosen, he or she can guide you in compiling your dossier. One note of caution, a hosting program cannot force you to use their facilitator.  You can use him or her.  And often it is wise.  But if a hosting organization tells you that you MUST use their facilitator, they are acting unethically.  Likewise, be cautious of anyone in a hosting organization that profits from your adoption.  If you need help in compiling your dossier, above and beyond what your facilitator can provide, hire an agency who is not involved in introducing you to specific children.  Or better yet, talk to the many families who have gone before you.  Most will offer you free advise.  A red flag should go up if a hosting organization introduces you to a child then offers to help you compile your dossier for a fee.  

The situation is Ukraine is constantly in flux as regards the adoption timeframe.  We started our homestudy in March.  Based upon how things were going at the time, I thought we would have an appointment with the SDA in Ukraine in late August.  Even after we submitted our dossier to the SDA July 9^th,  I still felt confident about that. However, things have slowed down in Ukraine right now.  The SDA says this is due to summer vacations and just getting behind.  Whatever the case, it is late August and we just received notice of our appointment date.  Our dossier was “approved” on August 1^st.  In the past, they would have given us an appointment date on the same day.  Instead, 3 weeks later, we learned that our appointment will be on September 30^th.  That means that currently, there is a lapse of 3 months from submittal to appointment.

This often-changing nature of the process in Ukraine is the kind of thing that can lead some people away from adopting from there.  However, in spite of delays, changes in procedure and even occasional shut-downs, I have found Ukraine to be a very fair and straightforward country from which to adopt.  It is not America.  And you can’t go into Ukraine, or any other foreign country for that matter, expecting their government and judicial system to operate as ours; nor can you march over there demanding rights that maybe you are used to.  But if you are patient, willing to submit to their way of doing things, are willing to adopt older or special needs children, and are at least a tad adventurous, you really can’t go wrong with this beautiful country and its beautiful children.   

The Little Blogger that Could

We adopted the first time in 2007.  I blogged every little detail.  Over the years, with each additional child, the blogs got less detailed and less frequent.  Back then it seemed so new and exciting and I thought everybody would be so interested in the process.  I decided today that it only seems like old-hat to me; that there are new friends and acquaintances who are interested in the details of adoption.  Families who are just now thinking of adopting from Ukraine need to know how easy/frustrating/rewarding it can be.  Families currently in the process might want to know what to expect/when to expect/how much to expect.  Families arriving home should know if what they are feeling/experiencing/regretting is normal.  And besides all that, there are 3 precious children about to join my family and I don't want them to ever think they were not worthy of blogspot.  And so I undertake to blog again.  Details.  As much as I can stand, being the big picture person that I am.  Stay tuned.  

Our Ukrainian Adventures Continue

Hard to believe but we are adopting again.  We met Lena in the summer of 2012.  We met her brother Sasha in October.  We did not meet her bother Alosha until July 2013.  But they will soon become a part of our family.  We began our paperwork in April.  Our dossier was submitted July 9th and we plan to travel to Ukraine in September.  Lena will be 13, Sasha 15 and Alosha 17 when they become Davies.   I can't wait.

Vitalik turns 20

Vitalik.  He moved back home about a week ago.  He might be telling the truth.  He might really feel that he just cannot make it on his own and needs parents to help him make good decisions, go to school, go to work, etc.  Or he may just think we have faster internet than he had in the apartment.  Fact of the matter is, it really doesn't matter to me right now WHY he wanted to move back home.  Because at night when I lay my head down, I know where Vitalik is.  He turned 20 today.  He might be growing up, becoming more responsible.  Or it might be that he has become better at manipulating.  If its the latter, I will learn that soon enough.  Tonight, I rest easy knowing that Vitalik is safe.  And for now, thats all I need to know.

The Bios

Colton got married to Kelly in 2011. Perfect wedding. Perfect couple. They are living in LA where Colton is honing his skills at cinematography and learning to snowboard. Alexandra and I were talking about him today; how he is so talented-----at everything. "The rest of us pale in comparison" according to Alexandra. He is certainly talented. But so are the others.

Luke is racing motocross again and living at the farm in Montgomery. He's pretty darn good at that if he could just stay healthy. Right now he is in a cast while his wrist heals. My biggest concern for Luke is that he is too much like me. But don't tell him I said that.

Alexandra will graduate from high school this year. Bummer. I am not ready for her to leave home but the day draws near. She will be studying Social Entrepreneurship at Belmont University in Nashville. There is no one in the world as talented as her at mercy and compassion. (Not to mention her photographing skills).

God has given us 7 unique children; each special in his or her own way. They challenge me; tire me; surprise me; but most of all bless me. I could not have written a better story than the one God is writing for our family. An adventure, indeed.

Roman Elijah

Roman. Thats what I call him. Eli. Thats what his dad calls him. Romchick. Rome. Romeo. That kid has the most nicknames! And he's smart. I mean like he is most likely a genius. He would have graduated from the orphanage at 14 since he was 2 grades of where he was supposed to be. When he first joined our family, we homeschooled for 2 years then he went into the 7th grade at our public middle school. He makes all As. He scored like close to perfect recently on his ACT Explore exam. He reads like a machine. Can do or be whatever he wants to be. And he worries like crazy. About everything. He worries we will run out of gas on the way to soccer. He worries that we are going to go broke. He talks non-stop and asks questions that no one can answer. And he is so attached to his family that you would never know he has only been here for 4 years. He is here, in the moment, 100 percent American, 100 percent Davie.

My blog resurrected

I have decided to return to the world of blogging. Mostly because I talk to a lot of people who are adopting themselves and they are interested in hearing what my life is like. I have to admit that my life is quite interesting and since I like to write, I figure I might as well.

So I will begin here with a brief update on what most people are interested in: the 4 children who came to us by way of adoption. First, the baby. As many of you know, when we first went to adopt Vicka, we came home empty handed. As we landed in Atlanta from that trip, we got a call from Angie Spackman at the Adullam House in Wetumpka. She wanted to know if we had any interest in adopting Jalen. We had known Jalen since birth but he was not then available for adoption nor did we, at the time, have any notions of adopting an infant. So here we were after adopting 2 older children and failing at adopting another, being offered that infant who was now 3 years old. To make a long story short, we said yes; Jalen (whom we renamed Jay Marcus Davie) came to live with us in December 2009; we completed his adoption in August 2010; and we feel like he has always been a part of our family. He is quite the live wire; I have recently begun calling him Jay-Turbo; not only because he is a speedster but his emotions are pretty much on turbo power most of the time. He should count as 2 children at least. More on him in the days to come.

After we committed to adopting Jay, we got notice from Vicka that she had made a mistake in saying no and so we went back to Ukraine and adopted her again. She came home in April 2010. Since my last blog post in 2010 was an appeal for someone to adopt her friends, Vicka and Dima, I am happy to report that they are now living happily in a family only about 45 minutes from us. Our Vicka had the hardest time adjusting of all our Ukrainian children. She is more introverted and it seems like she spent the first 3 months here in her room. But she eventually came out and now we joke about those days. She went into 9th grade at a public high school and has been on the A-B honor roll every semester. The social adjustment has been harder. Being 17-18 in the 10th grade is proving to be a test. 

Which brings me to Vitalik. When we went to adopt Vicka the second time we took Vitalik because we couldn't trust him enough to leave him here. He ran away; lived on the streets I guess for about 5 weeks but somehow we managed to get him home with us. Boy did he smell. But I digress. When we got him home we sent him to a wilderness therapy program in Georgia to detox and try to get it together. He was there about 8 weeks. We went and got him after he ran away thinking he could get home before my birthday. Yeah, I'm a softie. Vitalik had a great summer that year; had a full time job; started public school in the fall. Then about October, he bought a ticket to Ukraine with the money he had saved and he was gone! Just had to get it out of his system I guess. 6 weeks later he called and said "I know I can't live with yall anymore; I will live anywhere you put me; just please can I come home." Music to my ears. He told someone recently that the sweetest sound he had ever heard was when I said yes. We had a rough year after that but at present he is living in an apartment about 5 minutes from the house; we see him everyday so that we can still parent him and he has a full time job landscaping. He is 19 and I look at this like his college years. There are always bumps in the road but at least right now the road seems to be headed in the right direction.

Roman and the bio kids will get there own blog tomorrow. Until then.....